I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
