so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
