just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
