Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
