no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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