he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
