I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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