i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
