Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
