I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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