You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
