I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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