Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
