I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
