I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
