I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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