last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize