i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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