my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
