He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
