my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
