He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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