When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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