i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
