Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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