you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
