yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
