Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
