You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
