we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
