he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
