So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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