yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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