I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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