Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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