I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize