your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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