Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
