Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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