With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
