I love black thongs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
