nut hugger
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
