Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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