My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
