I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
