I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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