At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
