its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
