Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
