if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
