They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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