I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
