tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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