dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
