Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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