Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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