just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
