and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
