Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
