I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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