He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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