It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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