how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
